Jordan's Front Page

We found out we were going to have our first baby in November of 2000. She was going to be due to arrive in the world August 8th 2001. That day i was feeling ill and in somewhat of pain and couldnt explain why. i couldnt eat dinner i couldnt sleep at night and i knew something wasnt right. The morning came and i called the doctor and she directed me to the hospital if i was that uncomfortable, so John (my husband, her daddy) took me in and by then i had a strange discharge and they said that was fine some woman do that its ok. We heard her heartbeat for the last time that day..

Over the next 4 days the pain got worse and i grew more uncomfortable couldnt eat, sleep, or nothing. August 11th i gave in and went back to the hospital only to find out that i was in labor and was 8 centimeters dialated by then. yeah, they said i was lucky to have come in cause i was going fast and could have delivered at home or on the ride there. They proceeded as usual to hook me up to the monitors and so forth. Well after like 5 minutes i asked the nurse " whats wrong, why is this taking so long?" she looked at me and asked " what makes you think something is wrong?" As anyone would know it dont take long to find a heartbeat. Well she told me shed be right back. After 5 minutes went by which seemed like forever, a group of nurses and docotrs and a sonogram machine entered back into my room. They instructed me to lay down flat and remain calm. Yeah, i was scared to death.

They found her heart and it wasnt beating. The one doctor looked at me and said "Im sorry." as if it was his fault. Then the words....." she is stillborn." Ok, so by that time i forgot all about the pain and grabbed john by the arm and said "take me out of here, just take me home." I knew that i couldnt go home. The next day, August 12th 2001, the nurse said we are ready to push, can you believe they made me deliver this baby normally?, so i did as i was told to do. At 4:40 pm she was born. I didnt want to see or hold her so i closed my eyes tightly. I didnt give her a name right away. I had no idea what to name her. I just came out of no where and said jordan mckayla. i was going to give her that name when she was born, ive always wanted to name my baby girl that, but i wanted to be able to give her a name that was special since she was born an angel. but i couldnt come up with anything but that.

The autopsy report was done and said she was a 42 week old infant. Doesnt that make her 2 weeks over due? It came to pass she had pnemonia and the fluid around her was infection. All due to the infection that started with me and the doctor didnt treat me for it. We tried sueing the doctor but lost big. But what i lost most important to me was Jordan. No amount of money will bring her back and no matter how many tears i cry it wouldnt change the fact that i lost her that day. But i wanted justice for her. The doctor since then had retired and moved back to india. I know she wont ever harm another baby, but i think of how many other mom and dads and babies suffered by her actions. Im thankful to have had been able to Jordan grow and live inside me for those short 9 months. i just wish i had the oppurtunity to watch her grow up today.

She would have been 5 years old this year. She now has 2 baby brothers, Michael 3 and Aaron 10 months old. i will tell them about her one day when they get older. John, my husband and her daddy, just had a tattoo done saturday in memory of her. I am greatful that he did this to honor her.

My name is Deanna Newland and im 25 years old, and my husband is 28. we live in Ohio. Ive dealt with this the best i can and i was forced to grow up and accept the fact that even though one life is taken mine still has to go forward. Each day is a new day and i cant dwell on the past or the future. I take one step at a time. And every day i think of her, we have her picture on the wall for all to see. and We miss Jordan each and every day, shes far from us but we hold her memory in our hearts. Jordan WE love you baby girl, and miss you , someday, we will meet again.

-------- The Newland Family, Cincinnati, Ohio---------

Forever, Jordan

Our tiny little baby, to whom we say goodbye.

On a day filled with sorrow, tears hard to dry.

With you go our hopes, our love, and our dreams.

Of all lifes beautiful things, we wanted to see.

Your truley our daughter, our first baby born

But from our loving arms; you were to early torn.

We'll never know the joy of hearing your first cry.

of hearing your happy laughter, seeing the first step you try.

Jordan we love you, in our hearts you will remain.

Our arms feel so empty, our lives won't be the same.

We will see you someday in heaven and hold you in our arms.

Til then you remain a sweet memory, a baby, forever ours.

Deanna Newland