Where do I begin . . .
I came across this webpage and have just read all the letters of how people have gotten through their days without one of their loved ones. Well, with tears streaming down my cheeks I am thinking of my beautiful, 15 year old daughter, Lara Ann. (In less than a month she would have been 18.) She was taken home to be with Jesus at 15 and a half years old; over Mother's Day weekend 2004 in a car accident. As for me, I'm Carol, soon to be 54, and the mother of two other children. Stephen just turned 20 and is studying at UCF in Orlando, Florida; Krista just turned 10 and has Down Syndrome. I miss Lara tremendously and now I also miss Stephen, but am excited as he is beginning his own life as a wonderful, young man. My husband of 13 years, (Stephen and Lara's step-dad, and Krista's daddy), raised Lara since she was four. He has had a very hard time with Lara's being gone. They were very close too.
I must agree with another person who wrote that it seems to get harder each month for me. I KNOW that Lara is with Jesus and I am very grateful to KNOW THAT, but I still miss her so much. There is so much love for her and so much love from her that this hole in me will never be completely filled again until I see her again. I really love the Lord and that's the number one thing that keeps me sane. I work part-time at one of our high schools in the area. Because Lara would have been a senior this year, I have placed a full page in this year's yearbook - In Memory of Lara Ann and I am looking forward to seeing her and all of her friends she's had since kindergarten, I am in the same home, for 21 years now, and was always volunteering at their schools. Two of Lara's closest friends are now Krista's babysitters each week and I love keeping in touch with them. It's like having even more of Lara here with me. They even got me set-up on MySpace so I can enjoy more of their everyday lives and see what everyones up to.
I believe I just go on because there's no other way. As the site says: Broken hearts still beat. I don't feel like we have a choice. Sometimes it seems that I wish we could just be with the Lord now, but I trust Him and His plan for each of our lives as we trust Him. Thank you for listening. It's good to let these feelings out. I pray that God gives anyone reading this peace for the moment.
In His loving care,
Carol Smith Keefer
(Lara's mom)
